Category: Parents corner | 4 weeks ago
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3 Great tips to help you retain your boy’s friendship when he turns 13
It’s a disturbing thought for parents isn’t it? I mean the fact you may one day lose the friendship and open rapport of your boy in just a few short years from now.
If care is not taken, that little boy running around the house right now, and crying to follow you wherever you go might one day shut the doors of communications between the two of you, and you might not even be permitted to enter his room uninvited.
Sadly, for many parents today, this is the harsh reality they face as their child turns 13.
You see, the reason why 13 year old boys actually tend to keep to themselves at this age is because of the phase they find themselves in which is the puberty phase.
The good news however, is that you can solve this problem. The one sure thing you can do is equipping him well ahead with all he needs to know about puberty.
Truth is, at this stage, there are questions which they need answers. In a bid to get the answers themselves, they end up erecting walls around them. You will need a lot of patience to wade through the walls and gain back their friendship again.
If your child is not up to 13, that is the perfect time to get these tips handy as they will help prevent the possibility of him shutting you out of his life at 13.
You know the saying that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail right? Yea, it applies here too. So what do you do?
#1: Educate him on the changes that come with puberty
You need to let your boy know ahead of time what he will be going through in this particular stage before it comes. I can bet you don’t start preparing a meal when you are hungry. So the best form of defense is to forearm your boy with information that will help him when the time comes. This means you need to be knowledgeable yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. Get knowledge on how their body works.
Now the question is what does your boy needs to know about puberty?
Your boy needs to understand that puberty comes with changes both physical and emotional. The physical changes include sporadic growth and strength. The growth will be as if something is chasing them to grow (laughs). You see hair growing on the chest, legs, face and under the arms. Their voice deepens. The skin becomes oily which results in pimples and blackheads. Kingsley, a teenage boy said "I hate the pimples, nothing just works out”. You also see that the shoulder broadens as they age.
Okay, this is the part that drives the boys to their shell. This is the time you also have a lot of explaining to do. It is at this point your boy begins to experience Erections. Erection happens when the penis is filled up with blood thereby making the penis hard. The penis also becomes much bigger and you will notice it as it stands out from the rest of the body.
The thing is that boys will have more erections. It is therefore your responsibility to allay their fears concerning this. It can be scary for them, I know right? Just imagine your first experience with erection (if you are a male). Not so pleasant I suppose. Erections can occur at any time of the day and multiple times too; this embarrasses them a lot.
Another thing you should take time to explain to him is Wet dreams. Oh boy, this is another tricky one that plagues them with thoughts. Wet dreams occur when semen is discharged from the penis during an erection. It is also known as ejaculation and occurs during sleep.
Wet dreams occur when the body begins to produce more. It is a sign of growth in the boy as well as a sign that his body is preparing for manhood. The implication of this is that he can become a father.yea right. Semen holds sperms, which are responsible for fertilization and the conception of a baby.
The tricky thing about wet dreams is the tendency for some of them to feel guilty or embarrassed about experiencing it. So you see why you need to educate and enlighten them and on time too.
A lot of them on seeing the semen sentence themselves to hell already because to them, they have committed a huge sin. (lol) talk about turning a natural cause to sin.
#2: Be his friend and confidant
Friendship with your teen is one thing I always advocate. When you cultivate friendship with your boy from childhood, he will be very relaxed in your company and will sure tell you of changes in his body.
Cultivating friendship doesn’t stand for weakness in any way. Neither does it transcends to you indulging them in behaviours that are not cool. You can be firm and friendly. Friendship comes handy when you need him to open up his struggles to you.
#3: Quit the judgmental spirit
Now this is where we get it wrong. We go acting all religious like we have never experienced these things ourselves and it is not helping matters. Take the scenario where your teen child comes telling you he had wet drams and you go lashing him with condemning words. Just what do you think your reaction will do? Shut him up of course. This is what being judgmental does to your teen. It shuts him up. You wouldn’t want to have this kind of situation in your hands. So quit the judgmental spirit and be more empathic. Put yourself in their shoes and let that guide your actions.
In addition to these tips, you have to make them realise that though it is good to be concerned of their bodily changes or their look, it is much more paramount to be concerned of their character.
You know how much people attach so much to height, shape or facial features but neglect the person on the inside. Their mental, emotional and spiritual state should be taken cognizance of.
Puberty is not a disease and just like others have passed through it, you have to assure them of your presence with them all through the journey. It’s a great feeling knowing that someone else has gone through what he is going through. It’s also soothing to know that he can bank on your presence with him on this journey. It will make more sense wouldn’t it? I am certain it will.
I hope these tips help you retain the friendship of your boy as he journeys to puberty.
So what do you think? Does this help? Do let me know in the comment section.
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Faith Ijeoma Ezenwere
Hi there, My name is Faith Ijeoma Ezenwere. I am a Broadcast Journalist/OAP and a teen coach. I am passionate about building a community of impact driven Teens and young adults in all spheres of life. In simple terms, I help Teens/Young adults live their dreams. Welcome to my World!
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