I'm writing this to you in retrospect. I wish you knew these things when you needed them. But it's okay, we learn to accept the things we cannot change and learn from them. I'm hoping that this would help some other girl on her journey.
This stage of your life comes with a lot of challenges. You're at what I'd like to call the "Search" phase or the "crisis" phase. There are a lot of questions but not so many people are willing to provide you with answers.
The question of who you are is first up in your mind. Getting the answer to this will shape your life and actions. I hope that you come to know who you really are in the eyes of the one who made you because finding your identity somewhere else will only lead to more problems both for you and the society at large.
You are not here by accident. Every design has a designer. You were actually intentionally made for a purpose. When you come to terms with that, you'll also come to terms with all the possibilities embedded in you. You'll learn to love you and even the things you considered as flaws. You'll love your massive forehead, your puffy eyes and your big gum.
I want you to know that all the things you worry about now will not even matter in five year's time. The pimples will eventually clear off your face, your skin will get clearer and you'll fill in at the right places. The truth is, even if you don't, it doesn't take away from who you are. There is more to life than a pretty face.
Boys your age don't know what they want yet. The truth is, you don't know what you want yet. Your hormones are raging at this stage, but a girl who knows her worth puts her body under control. What you're enjoying now, you may regret later. I'm not saying you can't have male friends. In fact, I want you to know that it's a lie that there is no such thing as a platonic friendship between opposite sexes. But the thing is, it takes a lot of maturity between both parties to draw the lines on the boundaries of their relationship.
It's very important at this stage to have someone you're accountable to; someone that has passed through where you are and is not afraid to tell you the truth. It's easier for a needle without a thread to be lost. Get the right connections to trusted people who have their hearts in the right place.
If anyone is threatening or assaulting you, please speak up. Their threats are empty.
Another thing you must know is that life is not a competition. Nobody is your mate. Your path is yours alone and different from others just like your fingerprints. It is foolishness to compare yourself with any other girl right now. I know you think they're all better than you but let me tell you a little secret, they also have their insecurities. They’re also seeking validation, sometimes from you too! You see, secondary school (and beyond sometimes) is just a bunch of lost kids trying to find themselves and adding to one another's problems in the process. You'll grow up to realise that almost every one of you at this stage was battling with an identity crisis or self-esteem issues.
You're in school now, the best thing you can do for yourself is to study and be the best that you can be even in a failed system. You'll have all the time in the world to watch movies after your exams, focus on the exams now.
Also, there's only so far that you can go with this education you're getting now. This is a good time to find out what you have interest in, what you're good at and make sure you learn how to make the best of it. Make sure you learn something new daily. Read books outside of textbooks, they're your ticket to places you've never been. Learn a new skill, make friends. It's not true that secondary school friendships can't last.
You will come to realise that your parents and teachers don't hate you. In fact, many of the things they do are from a place of love. Their methods may be wrong, but their intentions are right. Learn to forgive them for their mistakes. Learn from those mistakes too so you don't have to repeat them in your relationships with people, now and in future.
Finally, you're not too young to start pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your insecurities be the reason you settle for anything less than excellence. You are actually greatness, recognise it, live it.
Be a friend; don't be jealous of other people's successes, especially your friends. It's easy to fall into the trap to think they're making it at your expense. That's not true. There's enough space in the sky for all the birds. Their paths are not yours even though you're friends, find your own path, and walk in it. Lend a helping hand; helping others achieve their dreams is training ground for your own battles.
Be love. That's the God nature and you have His DNA.
Keep your dreams alive.
Keep your head up; let the world see your face, let your crown stay on your head.
All it takes is faith, you can walk on water.
With all the love in the world, now and always,
Your future self.
Written by: OREOLUWA ENI-IBUKUN
Hi there, My name is Faith Ijeoma Ezenwere. I am a Broadcast Journalist/OAP and a teen coach. I am passionate about building a community of impact driven Teens and young adults in all spheres of life. In simple terms, I help Teens/Young adults live their dreams. Welcome to my World!
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